1 More Day : Countdown To A Big Change
With intentions, I skipped the countdown on the 2nd. Other than I was quite tight up on that particular day, I was actually a little bit down.
It has been my practice not to write (and talk, if possible) on anything if I do not feel good about inside. I could always write good, pretended that I felt good. Unfortunately, life does not work that way.
Other than by choice I love to do and feel things genuinely and sincerely, it is also because of the danger awaits if I write good but not feeling good at the same time. I would only welcome things that I dislike to happen.
FEELING 1 - Emotional Turbulence
It's unbelievable ! I submitted my resignation 3 months ago, and look at how fast the time flies ! Tomorrow will be my last day at work, and the whole thing about my life will change !
I have to admit that I have been having some emotional turbulence recently. As long as we are called human, there's no way of escaping this nature. The nearer I am towards my last day, the worrier I become. I am so worried of not having promising income. Despite believing that things are going to turn out well, I still have that small naughty whispers to disturb me. I gain no news yet from my meaningful interview. I have no promising projects also. While believing in God, that naughty thoughts brought me down quite bad. I hit the rock bottom. I became sad, worried, down, and all that you can think of. I tried so much not to allow myself dropping that bad. But at the end, I allowed it.
You know why I just allowed it ? Because I am a human. As much as sometimes our body would just shut off while we still want to actively running and functioning, the same goes to the mind and body. If 'she' hardly needs that and convinced the body to tag along, I let them be. With one condition, I would not allow them to take control too long.
I even act like a small child towards God. I had my tantrums. I shoot anyone that annoyed me. I didn't talk to God for a few days, while deep inside my heart I was babbling within myself that no matter how much I work, if 'You' say no means no (with the intention that He hears me, and He definitely does). See how childish a human could be when the tantrum hits !
I am still not recovering, but feeling a way better.
I learned that no matter who you are, emotion turbulence is a must once in a while. It can be a good thing so we would just shut off from everything and recharge with a new spirit.
FEELING 2 - He knows best
I often reminded myself that I can only plan but He decides. So, I see myself having projects, and get the job that I wanted badly. When things remained silent, I continued with things that I know only.
While still having tantrums, I set an appointment with an old friend. He was a typical young guy when I last met him, and today he is already somebody. Despite being way younger than me, I know he's one very pious and highly spirited. He's not ordinary.
In a blink of an eye (3 years to be precised), I struggled in a marriage with his friend and working a decent 9 to 5 job, while he did all he could to stand on where he is today. He's now a respected Islam missionary. He sings, he's still on his martial art, silat, just that he's doing better, he is now a celebrity.
When I set an appointment with him, I was actually trying to sell my secretarial service to him. When we met, him being him (one talkative guy), I did not get the chance to talk in depth about my service. But I am grateful that each time we had the conversation, he would share a lot of advises.
He talked about his projects. And at the end, he closed the conversation by showing interests in what I could offer, and deep inside my heart I was shouting, "Finally !".
We continued texting after we ended the meeting. We agreed to work together on certain projects, and he never forgets to motivate me. He wants to help.
I did not get the chance to close the secretarial services deal, but more than that. He is offering to help me produce my own single, and go on Islamic shows with him ! We would also be working together on building his own traditional show room for a traditional Malay fabric named songket.
As I was still controlled by my tantrum, I wasn't that excited. Until towards late of last night I realized how grateful I am. This may not give me money now to solve my problems, but it solves a lot of things for my future; I told myself exactly that.
I am already in an Islamic working environment. He has also agreed to monitor my practices in becoming a better Muslim. He is willing to help build my inner-self as well my mind and thoughts. Wasn't it what I've been wanting ?
I can already imagine how successful I will be under his wings. He's young, but he knows what he's doing. He puts God as number one, and in only 3 years, he is where he is today.
I am still worried for my unsolved problems, but I am very sure that He will give unexpected solutions as how He did through this friend of mine. I never thought that this particular friend would one day help me this much. I trust that due to my good intentions, God helps in a special unexpected way.
Often, we plan according to what and how we want things to be. But He's the best planner. In my case, He definitely knows what's best for me. And I will follow what's best for me.
