9 More Days : Countdown To A Big Change
9 more days to my last day at my current workplace., and I am still excited about it !
I have to admit that these days my energy level and level of enthusiasms are a little low. I have not been in the same gear I was for my business, my study, and on what's going to happen to me after I quit.
Funnily, even though the level has dropped, I am still not that worried. I am simply 'emotionless' and cloud 9.
So, I found out today that the actual feeling that I have been feeling recently is lost and calm - in positive ways, of course.
FEELING 1
For quite number of days, I found myself not working anything on my business, and not even care to continue my registration with an IPTA for my Master. My focus has been more towards the work in the office. The nearer I am to my last day, I guess I have things that importantly need to be prioritized.
Secondly, the cause of this is perhaps because I am already overly convinced that everything is going to be alright.
Thirdly, perhaps, I have a job interview waiting for me.
That is simply a human nature. When we have options, we no longer worry and tend to stay on the safe zone. I have to admit that I am pretty much in a safe zone.
Over all these, I have learned something too. I witnessed a thing called a "test". I believe that the more we are tested by God, the more He loves us. Not only that, tests could drop our motivations too. I believe that if we are not that strong to stay with what we want, the tests would definitely bring us down. We would give up. We would start feeling that all that we have been planning and working for are now useless and pointless.
Yes, God doesn't give us everything that we want in a complete package. Life is all about challenges and how we carry our responsibilities. We can only plan, but He decides. But that does not mean that we cannot be determined. We have decided to dream and hold on to it, so there's no point forgetting that we need to continue believing that He will give what's best for us. He wants to see if we are truly holding and believing, and whether it is worth to give what we want.
I realized that things are not exactly on the track that I planned and dreamed of. But deep inside, I know He wants me to continue believing. It is just a test. It is not in my power to re-route the track if it's not meant to be. Maybe that's why I'm a little 'emotionless'. I'm surrendering to the maximum and not sure myself if I am actually worrying or not at all !
In a way, I am quite surprised, and definitely glad that I can reach this level of surrender. I simply believe that if He doesn't give exactly and according to what I have planned for, then He will give something else and solve all my problems. He knows best. So why am I to worry ? I just need to continue believing that He will solve everything; HOW - it's not my right to ask. I can only planned.
The point here is that it is very important to know that we can plan, we can work, we can dream, we can do anything and everything to achieve what we want, but at the end of the day, it's Him to decide. Life has hiccups. Life has no smooth path. There'll always be roadblocks. Isn't that the purpose of life ? We are made for purposes. We are meant to live and contribute to things for our future in the Hereafter. If life is an easy going journey, what are there to be learned from ? Are we meant to just live happily, and die, and everything stops there ?
That is the definition of Life. Since we know Life so well, we should also be well-versed about how it works. When we lose something, He will give something better. When one door closes, the other one opens. Even in the Qur'an, it has been mentioned that we need to think good about Him. He loves us more than a mother loves her child. Would that level of Love kills us with His tests ?
They are just tests. The more we are tested, the more Human we will become.
And I am still believing that everything will turn our so well for me at the end - even though not according to what I have dreamed of - but the goal is to have everything sorted out well.
Don't cry. Be patience. Be Loved.
