When Being Honest and Truthful Is Challenging
Personal change. It is not easy to change. One needs a strong willpower to become better. Only one rule is involved; whether you WANT it, or you DO NOT WANT it.
As a Trainer, I always share with all of the people around me the fact that life is a CHOICE. If you choose to change, you will. If you decide to change, you will. If you don't, nothing in the world could help you to change to a better person. Everything starts from you. YOU, ALONE. The other factors are just contributing factors.
I recently conducted a training on Personal Change. The focus of the training is on one's personal, job, and him/herself. Alhamdulillah, everybody enjoyed the session. They seemed to agree with my recommendations. They also enjoyed the games which were strongly related to one's personal change.
I listed rules in the classroom. I told them that in order to change, they must follow these rules :
They have to know that they were there in the training to CHANGE, not to JUDGE.
Whatever revealed in the classroom must only be within the walls. Whomever revealed anything outside the class after the training ended, God will punish them (simple, sounded funny, but I meant something deep).
If they happened to have an 'enemy' or someone they dislike in the class, they had to leave all the misunderstandings outside the class.
So, the class went on.
The first activity that I conducted was for them to write and share with the class on the reason(s) why they chose to attend the training, as well as issues that they are facing at their workplace. The keyword was, HONESTY and TRUTHFULNESS.
I hinted them to be honest and truthful. While there were few who admitted that the issue was with themselves, majority chose to poured their heart out by sharing the clean, clear and exact issues that they are facing at their respective departments. Mostly mentioned expected things (at least for me, they were expected and sounded common). Things like office politics, bossy colleagues, poor team works and how they feel like they are bullied started to heat the atmosphere. Because they all know whom in which departments, things were very transparent.
The next activity was a pair activity. Each one of them needed to find a partner from a different department. They were given 20 minutes to pour their heart out on what's bothering them; I meant, ANYTHING. It seemed that most of them chose to speak about problems at work.
As a Trainer, I have to lend my ears but be neutral at the same time. I repeatedly reminded them that I cannot help solving their problems. I can only help in recommending tools for them to change, and that also can be used in handling difficult people around them.
I also did mentioned that each time we have problems, we need time to reflect the whole thing. We need to identify whose mistakes and whom to be blamed. "It could be you, it could be them", I clearly mentioned that in the class. If it is you, than you know that you need to change. If it is them, let them be, but we must choose to avoid negative surroundings.
It has been only 5 days since I conducted the training, I was surprised by a news from one of my participants that whatever she shared in the class was blurted out of the classroom. She's now been condemned by her team members. I also got to know that this has been ongoing since 2 days ago.
When I met her yesterday, she looked fine but I could sense the pressure. I told her, everyone did the same when they attended training. They find trainers the best people they can pour their heart out to. She's not the only one. I told her to remain strong and patient.
Deep inside, I am feeling very disappointed. I know there would be few who would walked out from my training with no determination to change. They perhaps do not even know the definition of CHANGE. Thus, such attitude occurred.
There was a reason why I set the rules for the training. First, I definitely do not want problems at the workplace, like what happened to the poor girl. Secondly, it was a simple test.
THE TEST
After counter checking with the responsible unit which organized my training, I have to be grateful that that was the only problem occurred. The team did not even hear anything about it. To my relief, I know I don't create chaos. However, very much disappointed with the minority (or an individual) who does not respect the rules that I set.
The test was a simple test - a warm up thing, and an introduction. If one's mind failed to understand this basic awareness hidden behind the rule, I cannot imagine what he or she has learned from that whole day class. Zero.
These are the hidden awareness behind the rules :
To be honest and truthful.
To gain trust.
To build integrity.
To respect others.
So, that whomever it is who blurted the story and broken the rules, have only reasons to pity him or herself. He or she is not only dishonest and cannot be trusted, but he/she also does not deserve to be trusted. If such a small instruction and request cannot be followed, I am pretty sure he/she cannot be fully trusted and responsible in carrying his/her duties at work. He/she does not have the integrity, thus very difficult to change. Like I have been mentioning in the training; we can watch 1001 motivational videos in youtube, and we can read 1001 inspiring books and stories, but if we CHOOSE not to change, nothing will help. Most importantly, he/she must be someone who is not afraid of God. When I said that God will punish whomever revealed any information outside the class, I trust that he/she doesn't mind or doesn't care about what's going to turn around to him/her.
And the most sad part is that, he/she doesn't know how to respect others. While the others are holding on to the request of not revealing any information outside the class, he/she chooses not to respect others by badmouthing.
I am looking at this situation from both parties; the gossiper and also the victim. It is indeed very challenging for both. It takes a great deal and effort for the gossiper to be an honest person. It seems to me that it is very much challenging. While for the victim; when she knows what she wants and choose to be honest all the way, she was challenged with trust issues, as well as being hated by being honest. She's put in a situation where she needs to believe that she has no right in voicing out her opinions.
I have to give the victim A BIG HAND. Very unlikely for people to like honesty. And despite the examples I gave in my training about how politics happen in friendships and other relationships too, the gossiper chose to be my another great example. He/she perhaps was not affected by what the victim shared in the classroom, but he/she is simply a gossiper and CHOSE TO BE AFFECTED.
It takes a great deal to be honest, but honesty would always win at the end.
I wish my dear girl a great strength and patience, and definitely a great willpower to stick on her decision to become a better person.
