12 More Days : Countdown To A Big Change
INTRODUCTION :
I have decided to CHANGE, and make a BIG CHANGE in my life. I have decided to move out from my comfort zone and break the huge ice blog. This decision was made early this year. It is just right for me to do the countdowns now, so I would remember this important decision that I've made, and the risks that I am willing to face. I will remember that I am a BRAVE person who's prioritizing her dreams. I wish this would inspire readers too.
12 more days to my last day at my current workplace. Why is it so important that I must do the countdowns ? It is simply because this is not a normal resignation. I don't resign because I have a better place to go, and a higher salary that can make me happy. This is not even a resignation. This is more like an early retirement from a 9 to 5 job. I am building my own business. I am gambling my future. And I am so proud of it.
As of today, (and starting today) moving towards the CHANGE, the following is what I am feeling :
FEELING 1
I did a lot of thinking and reflecting on my past life. I am so afraid of my future and what I would become. I have one important question in my mind, "What if I die tomorrow?". Everyday, I browsed through Facebook witnessing how happy some people are; opportunity to travel the world, owning their own established business, managed to help their parents financially, etc. It knocked me hard on my head that I haven't done anything extraordinary for myself and my loved ones. Yes, we all have different stories in life. Life is a choice. Some choose wisely, and some may be struggle a little bit.
At the age of 36, I am still where I am, holding a decent 9 to 5 job with a salary which is forever in the same range despite my experiences. I wanted to continue my study in Master, but I have been postponing it for financial reasons. I am one of those whom would have her purse dry on the 2nd week after the salary was in. I am working to pay commitments. I am still being calculative towards myself. I restrict myself from spending so much because I do not have so much. I devoted 8 hours of my time at work, which at the end of the day, just to pay what I need to pay. I can't even afford to consistently give Mom monthly pocket money. I have been working and working, but the stories remain the same.
Isn't it a clear sign that if Plan A does not work, then I would need to go for Plan B ? How foolish a person could be to remain in a wrong path despite knowing that it doesn't work anymore ?
That feeling was an eye opener. Then, God sent me a few articles, books and movies that I can learned from. Those were clearly telling me that it is MY CHOICE. How it will turn up is not a concern yet. It's the first step - that first BRAVE STEP and DECISION to change my route.
I started by listing my BIG WHYs. What are my goals ? What are my intentions ? What are my aims ? For whom ? To summarize everything into one simple summary, my BIG WHY is to have more time with the Almighty, myself and family. I want to allocate most of time devoting to Him. And I want to do own things and help my family members.
I was very clear with what I want, then I resigned without knowing what and how my future will become. I have faith that this decision and my intentions are strong enough to change my life.
FEELING 2
I have worked on building my business since the past 3 months, but the sales seem disappointing. I remember telling myself that towards the end of my last day that if things do not work, I will start looking for a new job - or at least a contract based job, or a part-time job. It's going to be only 12 more days (minus weekends), and I am still here in the same situation with no solutions, BUT still confidence and have FAITH that things are going to be alright. I am still firm of not going back to a 9 to 5 job. I will not give up.
FEELING 3
Office politics can be very annoying. I have my own sets of stories too. The nearest I am to my last day, the happier I am (despite the upcoming troubles). To move out and stay away from office politics are something that I would not hesitate doing. I will not tolerate when a situation is abusing my pride, dignity and self. I know this decision is right because I see how the corporate world works. I have no more time to waste to face all these for 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.
FEELING 4
When you get older, you will start missing schools. Your education is your pride. I can see how happy I will be once my classes have started; taking a course that I like. I can also see how time will fly so fast that I will finally have my Master, and do lecturing (as I've always wanted). I can see how, by then, people will start treating me 'good'. I have learned from the corporate world that the 'higher' you are, the more likely you become their 'friends'.
FEELING 5
The past is past. I have sets of people at my workplace who disappointed me. Not on little things. I mean 'real business'. Friendships were tarnished, trusts were betrayed, back-stabbings were games, turning tables were cool, and public humiliations were accepted. Office is a place where you can spot quite a number of fake people. They stabbed you one day, and have you in their party list of invitation the next day. To me, the past is past. Forgiven, but never forgotten. Not forgotten because I am a person who learn from mistakes. How would I learn if I ever forget about all these ? These make me learn to be more cautious. As long as we are called Humans, we will create nonsense and become truly unbelievable. I have learned not to give a damn (sorry for my language). Moving out from this circle of people is A CHOICE. And I have made that choice, happy with it, and definitely proud of it.
SUMMARY :
Today is all about how disappointing the world and people can be, but we do not have the power to change others, but definitely the power to choose for our own selves. You will hear 1001 advises from everybody, about how dangerous your decision is. I have learned that only we know what's best for us. Listen to the heart, you will get the answer.
